It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
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