dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
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