And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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