I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Randomize
