but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
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