Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
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