So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Randomize
