I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
