wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
