Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
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