You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Randomize
