i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
