I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
