Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
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