I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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