also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
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Slow dancing with the chandelier.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
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I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
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