Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
Randomize
