the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Randomize
