he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize