omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
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