I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
Randomize
