Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
Randomize
