dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
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