the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
I supernannyed him into submission
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
