My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
