About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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