I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Randomize
