I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
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Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
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