you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
