I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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