Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
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