can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
Randomize
