I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
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