Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
