I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
Oh god it's open bar.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
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