Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
Sober January is a disaster.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
