He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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