I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
