I must be too annoying 4 u.
I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
I'm too high and old for this...
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
