if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
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