Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
