oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
Randomize
