Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
Randomize
