do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
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