how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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