Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
