Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
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