He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
