i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
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