is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
