I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
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