I accidentally had phone sex last night
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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