he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
