I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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