the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
