u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
My liver just broke up with me...
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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