I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Randomize
