I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
