I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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