He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
