he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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