The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
Come on in and take your pants off
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