those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
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