I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
grandma shit on top of the toilet
Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
How does it feel to date your dad?
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
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