Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize