I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
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