i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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