Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
