Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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